Saturday, December 18, 2010

Bye bye 2010



With 2010 coming to a close and Christmas just around the corner, many people are looking back, reminiscing about what was, is, and will be. I, am not an exception.


Of course, in many ways, even before the year comes to a close, I have thought, pondered, wondered, reflected, call it what you will. Many thoughts, some good, some bad, some naughty, some nice.


How fast time flies…yet another year has passed, and yet, I still feel like I have not done as much as I had set out to do for 2010. Now, there is barely a fortnight to go before 2010 bows out and welcomes 2011, and I have the little inkling of regret that I should have done something more.


While I still feel like I have not done enough, after a round of reflections, I have gone to thinking that quite a lot has also happened :p



Careerwise, I have had a paradigm shift. I went from being an auditor to something totally non-related to figures at all. In so doing, I have managed to find myself a little bit more in the process, and have made a few great friends in the form of my colleagues.


I found out my strengths, weaknesses, and other crazier side. I found out what I was capable of, and I found out a little more on what I need to work on. I found a group of people I am proud to call my colleagues, and though sometimes there might be tension all around, we all know how to keep it professional, and leave business with business, and pleasure with pleasure.



On the personal relationships front, my godfamily has gotten yet wider.




Nopes, I’m not complaining. Quite the contrary I guess, it gives me more room to give, and to receive. I am spending more time with my sister, and I am starting to appreciate my parents more. Not to say that I don’t appreciate them before, but for the past one year that I’ve been here, it’s just a different feeling and it puts a lot of things in perspective.


You come to appreciate the little things that you have taken for granted, and learn new skills along the way

The important part for me, is to hold on to what is dear to me, and one of those things is my circle of friends in Kuching that I have only met a handful of times when I’m back there.


I’m glad that even though I’m far away from them, I still manage to keep my closeness with them, and if there ever were truer friends, it would definitely have to be them.




People always say, even though you think you have grown enough, there will still be room to grow and expand your wings. While I still have to work very hard to scale greater heights, I feel that it is a price that I am willing to pay, to get me closer to my ultimate ambition :) Not many know what it is, but for those who do, I thank you for always putting things into perspective for me


One very integral part of my life would be my lasallian family. Having just concluded the 20th National Lasallian Leaders’ Convention in Ipoh not too long ago, I am continually amazed by the fact that there are so many people out there who are willing to put aside their time for a cause they believe in. Not only my lasallian counterparts, but also to the other communities and societies out there who aim at making a difference in the lives of other people.


For me, it’s my lasallian family. I have learnt so much from them, old and young, and I believe that my journey in this is yet to end. The tricky part is to learn to juggle between this and work, but I firmly believe that if you have your priorities right, this is not a problem. This is work I look forward to doing, as I’m constantly surrounded by positive energy whenever I go for these activities.


Granted, it’s hard work too, but the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction you get when you manage to complete something is priceless and can’t be found anywhere else.


My own process in this journey started 6 years ago, and it has shown no signs of slowing down since. Being in this for half a decade, I find that I still have lots more to learn, and much more room to grow. With all the awesome people beside me, I have no doubt that I will continue to be a better person, and mature in the process.



Sometimes I wonder if things will be different if I had more of a social life. But then again, while there’s not much of a social life for me at this juncture, I realize that I have a lot of my plate at the moment. I don’t have many social friends that I meet to go to bars and clubs, but that’s fine with me.


I’m content to just sit at a mamak stall with a close friend, drinking teh tarik kurang manis and chatting the night away. Sometimes people ask me why I don’t go to these places, and I reply, “to each his own.”


So completes my short reflection for 2010. Am abit apprehensive to continue to reflect..if I do, I don't think I will even catch my 40 winks ;p

*edit*
for the handsome boy that brightens up my life each day with his lame jokes and perasan-ness

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Sitting here, accompanied by the sounds of the rolling waves, I am once again contemplating life, decisions, and choices.

At one point or another in our lives, all of us will feel inferior. All of us will feel like it is not worth it. All of us will feel like we are not able to carry on, because all of us will feel like we have made bad decisions, because we do not have the luxury of choice, and will our life turn out the way we want it to be?

Everything is complicated. Everything is murky, and there are no set rules on how to live life. We go through the motions each day, trying to make sense of the choices we have before us, and when we make one, we hope to the BMUT that we have made the right one. But we will never have the direct confirmation that we have made the correct decision.

So yea, am in the middle of a dilemma. When do we let go, and when do we hold on?

And when everything is lost, how do we go about rebuilding our life once again? Can we start from scratch? A clean slate? Or do we have to pick up the pieces from our past, and try our best to glue the edges together? But how will each piece fit, and when we try to fix things, they will never be the same again. They might look or feel the same, but they’re not. So, how now brown cow?

I keep telling myself it is a waste of time, and yet I can’t help but stay in that rut. I know nothing will happen, and I know everything is wishful thinking. But there was always that lingering hope of what-if, and maybe things will turn out ok. Despite all the potholes, false starts and failed reactions, I am still hoping that something better will happen, and that the waiting in that rut would have been worth it. Though I know that this would have been in vain, all the signals and signs are pointing in a somewhat positive direction.

Lol. You would think that I would have smartened up enough to know when to pick things up, and when to leave it on the floor. While I’m a sensible person, I feel that I lack the sensibilities when it comes to this particular decision. Why can it be so easy for others, and yet so hard for me? Why do I keep returning to this same situation when I can very well be moving on to something more productive? Why must I let myself stay in that point in time, and let myself be walked all over? Maybe because I can feel a little (if not a lot) of the positivity if things were to work out. Maybe because I might not want something better, or I don’t know if something better will come along. Maybe it is because the body is willing, but the mind is weak.

So why do we keep wanting more from life? Why can't we just be content with what we have, and feel blessed with it? Why must we keep on pushing for something more, and feel inferior when we can't achieve it? Why must we let other people's achievements and what they have in their life dictate what we should have in ours?

Sometimes I wish life had road signs, or at least, directions. That way, we wouldn’t feel lost, when we know where to turn to reach a particular destination. Like, turn left for a better career option. At the roundabout, take the third exit to find the ONE, continue on till you reach marriage. If you arrived at divorce, you’ve gone too far. Take the first available U-turn and head back to the first pit stop.

I mean, life would be so much more simpler, right???

I feel like Eeyore right now -.-“

Thursday, November 04, 2010

You know, just once, I wish you would tell me you want me to be there cos you want to see me..
Sometimes, you’re just caught between a rock and a hard place.

You want to be two places at once, but it’s physically impossible (unless you have special abilities that enable you to split yourself into two or more people, like Naruto)

So you have to make a decision. And more often than not, the decision you make, affects not only you, but others as well. also, when you are entrusted with the making of a particular decision, you have two choices.

Either you make a selfish choice, or you make a selfless choice.

You can make the selfish choice, and feel guilty, or make the selfless choice, and be miserable.

So, what do you do and which road do you take?

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Got re-introduced to The Moffatts this morning while doing my MM

I had forgotten how crazy I was about them when I was oh-so-young ;p

I guess sometimes, you outgrow something, and ten years (or more) down the road, it's just a nice feeling to rekindle the love you had for it :)

~~~
The first time I saw you
You were walking down the beach at night
With the waves bowing down to you
In the bright moonlight

Well it must have been a signal from up above
'cause deep in my heart I knew that it was love

[Chorus:]
And it turns me on
Like when the sun goes down
And the moon comes up
Sweet, sweet love, like no
other man has been touched
By the simple process of love

I wish there were a way
To show you my love is real
But Webster hasn't found the words
To express how I feel

Well just like a river needs the rain to flow
You've warmed a heart that once
was cold, with your love

[Chorus]

Monday, November 01, 2010

Sometimes I wish I'm brave enough to lay everything out on the table

Friday, October 29, 2010

Traumatic experience

It all happened so fast.

One minute we were laughing in the car about something, the next, my handbag was gone.

We were at the traffic lights near Solaris Dutamas, heading to Times Square to meet with a client. Suddenly, there was a crack on my side of the window, and we both looked up in puzzlement. I saw the glass crack, and there was a second knock, and the glass shattered. He reached in, pulled out my bag and we both started screaming. Initially I didn’t wana let go, but I thought if he can smash the window, what will happen if he decides to attack me? So better to lose a bag, than lose a life.

So, everything near and dear to me is gone. In thirty seconds. Poof.

So starts the arduous task of getting my affairs in order.

1. Cancel ATM cards.
2. Barr all phone lines.
3. Make police report.
4. Go to JPN and JPJ to report IC and licence and to make new ones.
5. Get back new lines for my phone


What you got:
RM60
Two lousy phones that’s way over their ROI
Old camera


What I lost:
My memories in those phones
My valuable coupons given by Baa
The beautiful bookmark made by Carrine
The beautiful blue rosary that I cherish
My IC and driving licence
My family pictures and pictures of those dear to me
My beloved bag given to me by my godsiblings (which took Harvey one whole day at One-U to find)
My beloved teddy keychain given by my moo moo gang on my 23rd birthday


What you gave me:
Scars
Cuts
Headaches
Extra workload
An infinite amount of hate for you and your kind

HOWEVER, though I have lost so many beloved items…I have faith. For He gives, and He takes away, but only to give us better things in return.

I heard many curses to those baboons from friends and family about what happened today, but this one takes the cake:

I hope your butt itchy but you cannot scratch cos your hands too short!!!

LOL

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Post 391.
Sometimes in life, you have to let go.

LET GO because you have to acknowledge that that's all that's ever gonna be

LET GO because there will never be anything more

LET GO because no matter how much you hope, it wouldn't happen

LET GO because no matter how hard you try, you will never succeed

LET GO because if you don't, you'll end up hurting yourself.

LET GO

It speaks volumes to me. Something that I am trying so hard to do, but have always failed.

Why?

Two simple words, yet so complicated.




Two drops of tears, and that's all it's ever gonna be.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

TO SWINBURNE'S CLASS OF 2010:


HAPPY GRADUATION!!!!!!! :)


Now for you to go out there and wow the world with your greatness and humble the show-offs out there!! :D

Back home again

As I drive along the roads of Kuching, I am constantly amazed at how I managed to leave this all behind one year ago.

It is always good to be home, back around familiar roads, familiar places, cars with number plates beginning with Q instead of W ;p

It made me think back to the things I missed about Kuching.

The food

The people

The sky getting dark by 6pm

The way you can get to anywhere within 15 minutes

The way everyone is so relaxed

The way you can drive home late at night and not be worried about your safety

The way things are so much more cheaper around here

Most importantly, the road signs, that I do not need to look at since I’m familiar with all the roads ;p

And I have no fear of getting lost! :D

Back here for only a few days, I made it a point to meet the important people in my life.
I managed to go back for the FT in St Joe, though it’s only for a brief time, I got to meet back with the people I worked with during the time I was here. I felt really good to be welcomed back into something that I have left for one year plus. It was as if I never left. And it’s true that no matter how things change, they still stay the same. Granted, the problems are still there, but there’s also a new kinship, new camaraderie, new faces, new people who are committed to making the SFT work in Sarawak.

I also got to meet up with a long-time friend, someone I knew since 9 years ago, when I went to tuition with him. I remember we used to go out to the nearby coffee shop, and hang there for a while before heading back to tuition, I remember sitting beside him and sharing stories, I even remember when he asked me to his school’s prom, but I was too young to go so I had to turn him down. Lol. It was interesting to see how much the both of us had changed, how different experiences have shaped us, and how after so many years of keeping in touch on and off, we can still meet up and have drinks and talk like there was never a moment that we were out of each others’ lives 

But the highlight of the day would definitely be meeting those closest to my heart again. The Sunday night karaoke session was one of the craziest I had in a long time, and it felt good to let my hair down, and go crazy. I know that I can always count on these people, and I know that no matter what, if they are able, they will help me when I have problems. These are the people who know me inside out and who would not hesitate to lend a helping hand, and vice versa. Being in KL put me far away from them, but I know that distance is not an issue, because true friends are never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.

This trip back also put more things in perspective for me, where I truly understood the importance of family. All this while, I have taken them for granted, and seeing how time has passed by so fast, it made me realise that I have not always been there for them, and though nothing can change the past, I can change the present, and that is what I will do.

All in all, I was glad I took a trip back home. Though it wasn’t as long as I would normally like and I didn’t get to meet all the people I wanted to meet, it gave me a respite from the hectic rigours of life, and for that, I’m grateful.

Monday, October 04, 2010

Non Sequitur of the day

The boss called me today, and asked me why I'm not working

Terkejuted pula me...since I'm back in Kuching..

My tongue terkelu, tak tau apa nak dikata...

Then he suddenly laughed, and said, you're on leave la, of course you not working la!!

Then I was like, -.-"

Then he told me about some squatters law in Malaysia, which if a developer owns a land, but doesn't develop it, and then some squatters come and stay on the land, after a certain number of years the developer loses his right to develop the land and it will belong to the squatters themselves. (Personally, I don't think this is true)

After I got home, I googled this certain act, and sad to say, I can't find anything about it. So, the conviction with which the boss said it is actually false, and once again, I fell for his trick. Sien, always so gullible..wth -.-"

But back to the topic. I was actually wondering where he was going with all the squatter thingy, perhaps it was a new case that I will be handling when I get back to work? But that also was not the case, when he continued...

Apparently Bubble is now 'squattering' at my place, and if I do not go back to work on Wednesday, I will forfeit my right to my workstation, and Bubble will be the rightful owner -.-"

Btw, Bubble is my ladyboss's puppy. So, yea, imagine my -.-" when I found out that the call was just a non sequitur to lighten up my day. lol

I love my job :)

Saturday, September 04, 2010

You lied to me. So many times, you lied to me.

And yet I believed you. All the time, every single time, I believed you.

I don't know if it makes me dumb, or ignorant, or just plain naive.

Maybe it makes me the stupidest person alive??

Because I know that the next time you lie again, I'll still believe you.

Because the time that I believe you, I will be hoping that you're telling the truth.

>:(

Thursday, September 02, 2010

One month.

I couldn’t ask for more. It’s hard to put a finger on the exact feeling that I have, but no words can describe it. Or perhaps there is, but it escapes me at the moment. So basically, my workplace is like this:

1. When you’re sick, your boss chases you out of the office, to go home early to rest.
2. When you’re sick, and you go out for dinner with your boss and it’s raining, he purposely calls you to make sure you have an umbrella just so that you don’t get caught in the rain.
3. When you still have work to do and plan to stay back late in the office, your boss asks you to go home and finish up, rather than staying back.
4. Your colleague offers to help you when you’re overwhelmed with work.
5. You meet your senior, and immediately hit it off.
6. You go to work with a smile on your face.
7. You enter the office wanting to do work.
8. You have brainstorming sessions, bounce ideas off each other, and scribble gibberish on the whiteboards. With your boss in the discussion room together with you.
9. You make plans to go to the gym/swimming/jogging with your boss.
10. Your boss co-conspirates with you to kenakan your senior on her birthday.
11. Your boss will shout out of the blue at nothing in particular, and you all shrug it off, because it’s a normal occurrence ;p
12. There are other things la, but I can’t remember XD

Honestly, I look back at the past one month, and I feel nothing but happiness that I have made the right choice. Some people tell me I’m making a big mistake by changing jobs, but I look back, and I can sincerely tell you, that while sometimes I miss auditing, I do not regret making this decision, because I love it. While there are still some things that I need to learn, I’m learning them with an open mind, taking criticism where it’s due because only by accepting it and feeling the need to want to improve yourself, will you be able to fully move forward in your chosen profession.

While I can’t say the same for the personal front, it’s a learning curve everyday. Will have to consciously put the thought away and focus on my career ;p

But while we’re on the topic, is it really important for guys to be the person earning the higher salary in a relationship? I was just discussing this with my colleagues the other day, and I don’t think it’s relevant. I mean, why let how much money you’re earning dictate whether or not you get into a relationship? Why must we let money be the deciding factor? Isn’t it enough that you have feelings for each other? Is a guy’s ego really that big that he cannot leave any room for allowance when it comes to who’s earning more?

Another thing, is it really taboo for girls to date guys younger than them? Lol, seriously, I used to think that the girl must be the younger person in a relationship. But after personal experiences and seeing other couples around me, I’ve changed my mind. I see one of my best friends dating a guy two years younger than her, and I see their relationship flourishing and blossoming into something so beautiful. Seriously, I feel that some of the guys I know that are younger than me are so much more mature compared to others that I have known. So why is it that it’s so taboo that guys must be older than the girl in order for them to be together?

Oh, and I sometimes do not understand why guys take what girls say literally..lol..I mean, there is already so much literature out there that tells guys to sometimes not take what girls say literally ;p when a girl says it’s ok, it sometimes isn’t. When a girl tells you that she’s fine, she’s really not, and when she says she doesn’t expect anything, you can bet she is, even if it’s just an answer in passing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure guys have been through this as well when it comes to us girls, so yea, no hard feelings against the male gender ;p it’s just some thoughts passing through my head, and from discussions with friends ;p wheee

Good night people XD

oh and before I forget,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEFANI WAN!!!!!!!!!! XD

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The past few weeks I have wondered if I made the right choice. If this was what He wanted, then why was there no answer? Should I wait awhile longer? Or cease and desist?

Sometimes, I feel like it was a wrong thing to do. But other times, I feel a small relief knowing that I have done at least something, and not remain idle. But the question plaguing me is if I had done the right thing?

If the answer is yes, then why do I feel like I have not? And is waiting an option?

The worst part is when you know you can’t be expecting something but then you expect it anyway.

Lol.

Sometimes I wonder if I can kick myself so hard I fall down the stairs :p


~~~
you stand by me...I'm forever yours...faithfully :)

gLee music rocks XD

Friday, August 20, 2010

Dear you,

Sometimes, you think too much, that you lose the bigger picture. Sometimes you think too much, that you read into things that are not there in the first place. Sometimes you think too much, that something simple becomes so complex and in the end the person suffering is you yourself.

Can you please don’t think too much and start living life for a change? Can you please don’t torture yourself over things that are out of your control and focus instead on things that are? Can you please don’t try to read other peoples’ actions, but instead put them out of your mind? You are not them, you never will be, and you never will understand what others’ motives are. So get over it.

And can you please make up your mind? You think you so free to think about so many other sides of the coin? Either you go, or you don’t. It’s that simple. When you finally make up your mind, make sure it’s early so you don’t regret if you suddenly can’t go cos of simple reasons.

Love,
me

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

It's my third week in, and I'm still loving it.

I meet so many new ppl everyday, and my bossess are hip and cool :p especially Stef XD

my senior is great, she helps me non-stop, always willing to lend a helping hand, never complaining at all..

my other colleagues are cool ppl to hang out with as well, having [email protected] with them is never a dull moment :)

I'm looking forward to a long and fruitful career XD



~~~
On a side note, I broke a cardinal rule of mine, and now I have to live with it. :/

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I finally told

haha

But not face to face...i told through sms...

haha

I abit coward...

...ok fine, ALOT coward

i just hope it doesn't hurt our friendship..

..cos if it does, I'm gonna kill myself..

lol maybe not kill..tapi regret lo...tenfold...or maybe twenty fold...

hmm...maybe more than that :/

lol

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I have a very cute colleague…

She can sit there listening to music on her own, and move and dance :p

She can seem endearing just by a few uttered sentences

Her actions are so natural, there doesn’t seem to be any sense of superficiality in her

She makes me smile just by looking at her antics

The way she brings herself tells me she can take on what the world throws at her

Lol…she’s none other than Tammy Chan :p

Super cute, damn adorable, 100% original XD

Tammy I know you’re reading this :p

Oh and happy ‘sweet 16’ Birthday!!! :p pics wll be up on FB soon xp

Friday, July 30, 2010

Going down memory lane, reliving the sms's..

Thinking back on the memories, and wondering...

When it happens, will things still be the same??

Abit apprehensive, but a promise has been made, and promises have to be kept..

So, when will be the right time?

Can I ask for another sign?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Someone told me last night:

“You have a beautiful soul. You care so much for others, and give so much of yourself without asking for more in return. Everything about you is meaningful, and nothing you do is superficial”


So I was wondering..if that’s true, then how come others can see it, but you can’t?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

When I called you that night, I could hear from your voice immediately.

When I thought of what you have to overcome, the enormity of it overwhelmed me.

When I thought of what your mother must be going through, I couldn't contain it in.

I knew I had to go back, even if it was last minute.

On the way back, I questioned if it was the right thing to do..

Then I saw you, you were standing there, trying to be strong and brave, to be the pillar for your mother. I saw through it, and I knew that the decision I made to come back had been the right one.

When you saw me, you broke down, you let go, you finally let it all out.

I cried with you, I held you tight...

Though you're suffering now, I know in time to come, you will be alright.


:)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I just realised my posts lately all thinking and introspective type...lol..

Jadi mesti have something happy once in a while :p

So, I have decided to say this:

Thank you for being there for me :) even though you're far away, you have been my pillar of sorts, even while in f6 :p it's hard to imagine that we've known each other since primary 5, and only gotten closer in f6 :p what a funny turn life takes us around sometimes aye? Now we're both working, but we still manage to keep that close bond, and that is something I'm thankful for every single day. I know that when I need you, you'll be there. And rest assured that when you need me, I'll be there too. Even if it means flying all the way back to Kuching :)

Thank you for being you. Though we've never been close in secondary school, but the memories in f6 that we've made together still stays in my mind. I still remember the times we studied at the Brothers' Quarters, where we shared our 'tong hua' stories, where we consoled each other when the other was hurting. We made it through University together, and til now, we're still as close as before. It's a wonder how distance didn't manage to separate us like how it did to some of our friends..Sure, we had our misunderstandings, but I'm glad we managed to get through it, and remained as strong as before.

Thank you for everything. Though you left Kch to study in KL when the rest of us were in Kch, I'm happy the bond has never been broken. Though we only managed to see you a few times when you came back, we still managed to keep that link, and I'm glad for that. Though now you're back in Kch, and I'm here in KL, I hope we can still hold on to that link, cos I don't want to lose you as a friend. The times we shared and the memories we made are still etched in my mind, and sometimes I revisit them and long for the times when we were all still together. But remember when you do come to KL again, look me up!! I don't want to lose that bond.

Thank you for listening. Though sometimes I know it's hard for you as you have your own problems too, I feel really grateful that in my times when I needed someone to talk to, you were there. I love the times when we can chat about deep stuff, because there's not many people that understand me that way the way you do. That's one of the reasons why I love hanging out with you, because you make me comfortable to just be me, and not someone others perceive me to be. I just want you to know that when you need someone to be your listening ear, I'm here, always.

Thank you for understanding. Though it's only been a short while that we've known each other, I never regretted the decision for sharing with you some of my thoughts. Though you're younger than me, you have the maturity of someone older, and that is a big compliment coming from me, because I know other people your age, and their thinking doesn't even come close. You've been there for some of my highs, and lows as well. I know I can count on you when I need someone, and you know you can count on me too.

Thank you for picking me. You showed me that even though we come from different backgrounds, we can still understand each other, and by sharing with me your innermost thoughts, it showed me that you trust me enough to give me that and that I wouldn't break that fragile bond. I'm there for you, through your thick and thins, and I sincerely wish and hope that you can achieve what you set out to do, and that in the future, your waiting will pay off, because you're an amazing person.

Thank you for sharing with me. I know it's hard because there are some things that I might not be able to comprehend, always know that I'm there for you. You know you can count on me, and I will still be here no matter what. Even after you've pushed me away, I'll come bouncing back, kinda like that Japanese bouncing doll :p

Thank you for all the quarrels. Lol...I know, it's hard to live with someone who's so hard on you, even when we were back in Kch. But now we're both in KL, and you're starting on a new journey on your own, remember that I'm here and that you can come stay with us anytime, because that's what family is for. To give you a place to stay even when we are irritated by it..lol :p but it's been a joy (though sometimes maybe not) to watch you grow up, and to become the girl (no you're not a woman yet) that you currently are. I actually miss the times when we were back in Kuching and you would yell at me cos the room is messy :p But I still clean it up ma..and my room in KL is now much neater :p

Thank you for putting up with me. I know I can be a pain sometimes, and don't listen when I'm too preoccupied with my work or computer, but always know that for what it's worth, there's no one else I want for an elder sibling than you. Yes, I know I can be overbearing sometimes, and push you all the way to the limit, but I'm just testing waters lah :p hehe..you know I still love you, even when I get frustrated cos you're being too particular about some things :p

Thank you for having me. Without both of you, I don't know whose child I would be. I wouldn't have experienced a great childhood, and wouldn't miss you both so very much right now. I'm at the crossroads in my life where I need to make big decisions, and I'm just glad that you're both there. Though I seldom call, it doesn't mean that I love you both less, or that I don't think of you. Because I do. And no words can describe how that makes me feel. I hope that my next decision can make you both proud of me :) I'll always be your little girl no matter how old I get ^^

~~~

Lol, it doesn't seem like a happy post..haha..tapi, I was smiling when I typed this, so if it's happy for me, then it's a happy post :) Each paragraph is for someone important in my life at this point in time, and though no names are mentioned, you know who you are ;)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

I hate it when I see my best friend suffering.

I hate it when there’s nothing I can do about it.

I hate it when he’s going through a rough patch and I can’t be there for him physically.

I hate it when we’re so far apart, I’m only able to sms and msn him.

I hate it when it’s only a matter of time.

I hate it when I feel so helpless.

I hate it when I can’t alleviate his pain.

I hate it when all I can do is sit and watch as it gets from bad to worse.

I hate it.

Goodbye - Paperplane Pursuit

We need to support our local bands. There are those who produce good decent songs too. :)

~~

Wish time was standing still tonight
Wish I was standing by your side all of time
Not for the last time

This can’t be goodbye
How could I ever find
The strength to let go, to be without you
This can’t be goodbye

Don’t wanna carry this inside
Don’t wanna to carry on despite how I’ve tried
To take this in my stride
No I don’t think I’ll be alright
No its not something I can hide
And I won’t try, I don’t see why

This can’t be goodbye
How could I ever find
The strength to let go, to be without you
This can’t be goodbye

I can’t say goodbye
Somehow I cannot find
The strength to let go, to be without you
This can’t be goodbye

Why won’t this agony subside
Can’t fill this emptiness inside
Oh I’m so empty inside
No I can’t ever make this right
No its not something I can fight
I know I’ve tried

Come take this pain away
Come take this pain away
Come take this pain, take it away

~~

Click here for more info regarding Paperplane Pursuit

Friday, July 16, 2010


You know how sometimes there can be too much stimuli, that your brain just stops processing things?

How sometimes in life, everything is going downhill, and you need to stop for a moment to get your bearings, but find it hard because everything is falling too fast for you to catch?


That’s how it is for me at this moment. Where there are too many things jumping towards me at once. To finish a new case of work before I leave, to redefine relationships and boundaries before I decide on where I wana go and what I wana do with it, to prepare myself for something before I decide whether or not to dive headlong into it, to sit down and reflect on life’s happenings.

Sometimes it gets too much, and you feel that need to leave everything behind and take a step back, look at the bigger picture, and then go on from there. Which is why I’m looking forward to next weekend. Am hoping it will bring me the serenity I need and hope for. Though it’s wishful thinking that things will turn out alright after I come back, I have faith that it will be better.

On another note…


Bro, always remember that when things seem too overwhelming, I’m here for you. You’re not alone in this. Your ‘Sex and the City’ girls will do anything for you, and just say the word, and I will be there.


Remember, during the times when life is tough,
and when you feel that you can't go on,
The sky will always be brighter after the rain,
and every time the sun will shine again.



~~
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name and I'll be there

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

You’ve changed.

You’ve become almost like a different person.

There are still some parts of you that I recognize, but I’m frightened in time to come, I won’t recognize that as well.

I know circumstances change people, but I don’t think I like the new you that you’ve become. I acknowledge that people change. I know that time moulds people differently.

But I’m afraid.

I’m afraid the next time I see you; I wouldn’t recognize you at all. I’m afraid the next time I talk to you; you wouldn’t be the person I’ve grown accustomed to. I’m afraid the next time I spend time with you; I’ll feel like you’ve become a stranger.

I don’t want that to happen.

Because I don’t know if I’m ready to lose you. I don’t know if I’m ready to let you go. I don’t know if life will still be the same without you.

But I'm getting increasingly annoyed at the things you do. I'm getting more fed up each day over the way you dramatically portray your life. I'm tired of the way you keep playing the victim card. I'm sick of the way you crave for attention and then discard it like something annoying the moment you get it. I'm upset of the way you talk to others, of the way you treat others like their opinions and actions don't matter. It's all this that is why I'm saying you've changed.

The sad part is, I'm not sure if your change is for good, or something temporary.

So you tell me, let go, or no?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Decisions are something we all have to make at any point in our lives. Sometimes, some decisions are so big, that you’re afraid to make them. But you know that inevitably, you will make that decision. Not because you want to, but because you have to. For some, it’s a split decision, while for others, it takes a longer time..

There’s a particular decision I have to make. But sometimes, that’s just the thing with decisions, you don’t know for sure if you’ll be making the right decision. I’ve been putting it off for as long as I can remember (actually not that long lah, but it feels loooooong).

So, sometimes it’s just best to leave it to him. Let him tell me if I should make that decision. Initially, I’ve decided not to do anything. But after thinking about it long and hard, I’ve decided to leave it to him. When he shows me the sign, then I’ll make that decision. And if not, then I’ll know what to do.

Now, the only thing to do now is decide how long I should wait.....

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Coming back from yet another fruitful weekend, I’m always glad I went.

The calming atmosphere in the forest, the soothing quiet..

Brought to mind many many thoughts, of positivity, and also negativity..

Got annoyed at someone, for things done and actions showed..but in the end decided to let go, though it’s hard, the relationship is too precious to hurt. Sometimes, even though we don’t like it, the important thing to remember is that when it comes down to it, the core of the relationship is important, and we need to know if we want to keep it, or burn our bridges.

Not only in relations to loved ones and family, but also friends, and those who are yet to become our beloveds..

Which is better, telling someone off and lose the friendship, or keep it in, don’t react and keep it? But at the expense of making yourself annoyed, frustrated, with no avenue of release?

Or how about, telling someone how you feel, only to have it not be reciprocated, and *maybe* lose the deep friendship, or keep quiet, and keep it? But always having the lingering thought of *what-if*?

So many thoughts running through my head, so many feelings left to explore.

Yeaps, this weekend has definitely gave me lots of things to think about…

~~~

on another note, I'm constantly amazed at the story of my little sailou. You're an inspiration to me :) It never occured to me how much you've grown up until this weekend, when I thought of your story yet again. There are so many things I want to say to you, but the important thing is that I'm glad you're my sailou. You've been there for me during my highs and have tried to catch me during my lows. I *heart* you :)

Thursday, July 08, 2010



It’s interesting how sometimes your brain can tell you something without actually making you conscious of it. But they always have this tendency to do it when you least expect it, or when you don’t want to be thinking of it at all.

Lol.


I had a dream. This came on the heels of discussing about something two nights ago and while catching the Germany vs Spain semi finals at Steven’s Corner.

To say it was a weird dream would have been wrong, seeing as how I have had MANY weird dreams. BUT to say that it was expected would have been wrong, as it is VERY unexpected. I woke up not knowing how to react to it.


The subject of the dream is irrelevant as compared to the feeling it gave me.


Die.


Sigh.


Just when you think you have pinpointed your feelings on something, someone throws something into the picture and it's chaos all over again. I have enough complications in my life at the moment without having to add this to the list. It's not something I want to think about at this point in life, because nothing will come from it.

Ironic from Alanis Morissette is playing in the background, and it fits perfectly with what I'm thinking of at the moment..

Monday, June 28, 2010

Pics pre June 2010

I noticed that lately all my posts are word heavy...soooo....ini dia pictures to spice it up :p hehe

A collection of some of the memories I have made this year, with special people in my life :D



CNY 2010 with the cpaasc






The adik perempuan that's studying here d..

nyahaha crazy shots :p







Daddyyyy~

my LS family :)





Out of everyone here, there's a special person. Guess who :p