Going down memory lane, reliving the sms's..

Thinking back on the memories, and wondering...

When it happens, will things still be the same??

Abit apprehensive, but a promise has been made, and promises have to be kept..

So, when will be the right time?

Can I ask for another sign?

Someone told me last night:

“You have a beautiful soul. You care so much for others, and give so much of yourself without asking for more in return. Everything about you is meaningful, and nothing you do is superficial”

So I was wondering..if that’s true, then how come others can see it, but you can’t?

When I called you that night, I could hear from your voice immediately.

When I thought of what you have to overcome, the enormity of it overwhelmed me.

When I thought of what your mother must be going through, I couldn't contain it in.

I knew I had to go back, even if it was last minute.

On the way back, I questioned if it was the right thing to do..

Then I saw you, you were standing there, trying to be strong and brave, to be the pillar for your mother. I saw through it, and I knew that the decision I made to come back had been the right one.

When you saw me, you broke down, you let go, you finally let it all out.

I cried with you, I held you tight...

Though you're suffering now, I know in time to come, you will be alright.

:)

I just realised my posts lately all thinking and introspective type...lol..

Jadi mesti have something happy once in a while :p

So, I have decided to say this:

Thank you for being there for me :) even though you're far away, you have been my pillar of sorts, even while in f6 :p it's hard to imagine that we've known each other since primary 5, and only gotten closer in f6 :p what a funny turn life takes us around sometimes aye? Now we're both working, but we still manage to keep that close bond, and that is something I'm thankful for every single day. I know that when I need you, you'll be there. And rest assured that when you need me, I'll be there too. Even if it means flying all the way back to Kuching :)

Thank you for being you. Though we've never been close in secondary school, but the memories in f6 that we've made together still stays in my mind. I still remember the times we studied at the Brothers' Quarters, where we shared our 'tong hua' stories, where we consoled each other when the other was hurting. We made it through University together, and til now, we're still as close as before. It's a wonder how distance didn't manage to separate us like how it did to some of our friends..Sure, we had our misunderstandings, but I'm glad we managed to get through it, and remained as strong as before.

Thank you for everything. Though you left Kch to study in KL when the rest of us were in Kch, I'm happy the bond has never been broken. Though we only managed to see you a few times when you came back, we still managed to keep that link, and I'm glad for that. Though now you're back in Kch, and I'm here in KL, I hope we can still hold on to that link, cos I don't want to lose you as a friend. The times we shared and the memories we made are still etched in my mind, and sometimes I revisit them and long for the times when we were all still together. But remember when you do come to KL again, look me up!! I don't want to lose that bond.

Thank you for listening. Though sometimes I know it's hard for you as you have your own problems too, I feel really grateful that in my times when I needed someone to talk to, you were there. I love the times when we can chat about deep stuff, because there's not many people that understand me that way the way you do. That's one of the reasons why I love hanging out with you, because you make me comfortable to just be me, and not someone others perceive me to be. I just want you to know that when you need someone to be your listening ear, I'm here, always.

Thank you for understanding. Though it's only been a short while that we've known each other, I never regretted the decision for sharing with you some of my thoughts. Though you're younger than me, you have the maturity of someone older, and that is a big compliment coming from me, because I know other people your age, and their thinking doesn't even come close. You've been there for some of my highs, and lows as well. I know I can count on you when I need someone, and you know you can count on me too.

Thank you for picking me. You showed me that even though we come from different backgrounds, we can still understand each other, and by sharing with me your innermost thoughts, it showed me that you trust me enough to give me that and that I wouldn't break that fragile bond. I'm there for you, through your thick and thins, and I sincerely wish and hope that you can achieve what you set out to do, and that in the future, your waiting will pay off, because you're an amazing person.

Thank you for sharing with me. I know it's hard because there are some things that I might not be able to comprehend, always know that I'm there for you. You know you can count on me, and I will still be here no matter what. Even after you've pushed me away, I'll come bouncing back, kinda like that Japanese bouncing doll :p

Thank you for all the quarrels. Lol...I know, it's hard to live with someone who's so hard on you, even when we were back in Kch. But now we're both in KL, and you're starting on a new journey on your own, remember that I'm here and that you can come stay with us anytime, because that's what family is for. To give you a place to stay even when we are irritated by it..lol :p but it's been a joy (though sometimes maybe not) to watch you grow up, and to become the girl (no you're not a woman yet) that you currently are. I actually miss the times when we were back in Kuching and you would yell at me cos the room is messy :p But I still clean it up ma..and my room in KL is now much neater :p

Thank you for putting up with me. I know I can be a pain sometimes, and don't listen when I'm too preoccupied with my work or computer, but always know that for what it's worth, there's no one else I want for an elder sibling than you. Yes, I know I can be overbearing sometimes, and push you all the way to the limit, but I'm just testing waters lah :p hehe..you know I still love you, even when I get frustrated cos you're being too particular about some things :p

Thank you for having me. Without both of you, I don't know whose child I would be. I wouldn't have experienced a great childhood, and wouldn't miss you both so very much right now. I'm at the crossroads in my life where I need to make big decisions, and I'm just glad that you're both there. Though I seldom call, it doesn't mean that I love you both less, or that I don't think of you. Because I do. And no words can describe how that makes me feel. I hope that my next decision can make you both proud of me :) I'll always be your little girl no matter how old I get ^^

~~~

Lol, it doesn't seem like a happy post..haha..tapi, I was smiling when I typed this, so if it's happy for me, then it's a happy post :) Each paragraph is for someone important in my life at this point in time, and though no names are mentioned, you know who you are ;)

I hate it when I see my best friend suffering.

I hate it when there’s nothing I can do about it.

I hate it when he’s going through a rough patch and I can’t be there for him physically.

I hate it when we’re so far apart, I’m only able to sms and msn him.

I hate it when it’s only a matter of time.

I hate it when I feel so helpless.

I hate it when I can’t alleviate his pain.

I hate it when all I can do is sit and watch as it gets from bad to worse.

I hate it.

Goodbye - Paperplane Pursuit

We need to support our local bands. There are those who produce good decent songs too. :)

~~

Wish time was standing still tonight
Wish I was standing by your side all of time
Not for the last time

This can’t be goodbye
How could I ever find
The strength to let go, to be without you
This can’t be goodbye

Don’t wanna carry this inside
Don’t wanna to carry on despite how I’ve tried
To take this in my stride
No I don’t think I’ll be alright
No its not something I can hide
And I won’t try, I don’t see why

This can’t be goodbye
How could I ever find
The strength to let go, to be without you
This can’t be goodbye

I can’t say goodbye
Somehow I cannot find
The strength to let go, to be without you
This can’t be goodbye

Why won’t this agony subside
Can’t fill this emptiness inside
Oh I’m so empty inside
No I can’t ever make this right
No its not something I can fight
I know I’ve tried

Come take this pain away
Come take this pain away
Come take this pain, take it away

~~

Click here for more info regarding Paperplane Pursuit

You know how sometimes there can be too much stimuli, that your brain just stops processing things?

How sometimes in life, everything is going downhill, and you need to stop for a moment to get your bearings, but find it hard because everything is falling too fast for you to catch?


That’s how it is for me at this moment. Where there are too many things jumping towards me at once. To finish a new case of work before I leave, to redefine relationships and boundaries before I decide on where I wana go and what I wana do with it, to prepare myself for something before I decide whether or not to dive headlong into it, to sit down and reflect on life’s happenings.

Sometimes it gets too much, and you feel that need to leave everything behind and take a step back, look at the bigger picture, and then go on from there. Which is why I’m looking forward to next weekend. Am hoping it will bring me the serenity I need and hope for. Though it’s wishful thinking that things will turn out alright after I come back, I have faith that it will be better.

On another note…


Bro, always remember that when things seem too overwhelming, I’m here for you. You’re not alone in this. Your ‘Sex and the City’ girls will do anything for you, and just say the word, and I will be there.


Remember, during the times when life is tough,
and when you feel that you can't go on,
The sky will always be brighter after the rain,
and every time the sun will shine again.



~~
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name and I'll be there

You’ve changed.

You’ve become almost like a different person.

There are still some parts of you that I recognize, but I’m frightened in time to come, I won’t recognize that as well.

I know circumstances change people, but I don’t think I like the new you that you’ve become. I acknowledge that people change. I know that time moulds people differently.

But I’m afraid.

I’m afraid the next time I see you; I wouldn’t recognize you at all. I’m afraid the next time I talk to you; you wouldn’t be the person I’ve grown accustomed to. I’m afraid the next time I spend time with you; I’ll feel like you’ve become a stranger.

I don’t want that to happen.

Because I don’t know if I’m ready to lose you. I don’t know if I’m ready to let you go. I don’t know if life will still be the same without you.

But I'm getting increasingly annoyed at the things you do. I'm getting more fed up each day over the way you dramatically portray your life. I'm tired of the way you keep playing the victim card. I'm sick of the way you crave for attention and then discard it like something annoying the moment you get it. I'm upset of the way you talk to others, of the way you treat others like their opinions and actions don't matter. It's all this that is why I'm saying you've changed.

The sad part is, I'm not sure if your change is for good, or something temporary.

So you tell me, let go, or no?

Decisions are something we all have to make at any point in our lives. Sometimes, some decisions are so big, that you’re afraid to make them. But you know that inevitably, you will make that decision. Not because you want to, but because you have to. For some, it’s a split decision, while for others, it takes a longer time..

There’s a particular decision I have to make. But sometimes, that’s just the thing with decisions, you don’t know for sure if you’ll be making the right decision. I’ve been putting it off for as long as I can remember (actually not that long lah, but it feels loooooong).

So, sometimes it’s just best to leave it to him. Let him tell me if I should make that decision. Initially, I’ve decided not to do anything. But after thinking about it long and hard, I’ve decided to leave it to him. When he shows me the sign, then I’ll make that decision. And if not, then I’ll know what to do.

Now, the only thing to do now is decide how long I should wait.....

Pics for July 2010

Coming back from yet another fruitful weekend, I’m always glad I went.

The calming atmosphere in the forest, the soothing quiet..

Brought to mind many many thoughts, of positivity, and also negativity..

Got annoyed at someone, for things done and actions showed..but in the end decided to let go, though it’s hard, the relationship is too precious to hurt. Sometimes, even though we don’t like it, the important thing to remember is that when it comes down to it, the core of the relationship is important, and we need to know if we want to keep it, or burn our bridges.

Not only in relations to loved ones and family, but also friends, and those who are yet to become our beloveds..

Which is better, telling someone off and lose the friendship, or keep it in, don’t react and keep it? But at the expense of making yourself annoyed, frustrated, with no avenue of release?

Or how about, telling someone how you feel, only to have it not be reciprocated, and *maybe* lose the deep friendship, or keep quiet, and keep it? But always having the lingering thought of *what-if*?

So many thoughts running through my head, so many feelings left to explore.

Yeaps, this weekend has definitely gave me lots of things to think about…

~~~

on another note, I'm constantly amazed at the story of my little sailou. You're an inspiration to me :) It never occured to me how much you've grown up until this weekend, when I thought of your story yet again. There are so many things I want to say to you, but the important thing is that I'm glad you're my sailou. You've been there for me during my highs and have tried to catch me during my lows. I *heart* you :)

It’s interesting how sometimes your brain can tell you something without actually making you conscious of it. But they always have this tendency to do it when you least expect it, or when you don’t want to be thinking of it at all.

Lol.

I had a dream. This came on the heels of discussing about something two nights ago and while catching the Germany vs Spain semi finals at Steven’s Corner.

To say it was a weird dream would have been wrong, seeing as how I have had MANY weird dreams. BUT to say that it was expected would have been wrong, as it is VERY unexpected. I woke up not knowing how to react to it.

The subject of the dream is irrelevant as compared to the feeling it gave me.

Die.

Sigh.

Just when you think you have pinpointed your feelings on something, someone throws something into the picture and it's chaos all over again. I have enough complications in my life at the moment without having to add this to the list. It's not something I want to think about at this point in life, because nothing will come from it.

Ironic from Alanis Morissette is playing in the background, and it fits perfectly with what I'm thinking of at the moment..