So there was a spat of time that I have been overwhelmed by problems, bogged down with work, and generally just emitting a negative aura all around >.<

So I have decided that it is time talk about happier things, and count my blessings (even when they don't really involve me) :)

1. a close friend has just gotten a job offer to work at MilkADeal, and he's really looking forward to it

2. I finally have unifi!! fast, and efficient (for now la..let's see what problems crop up in the future)

3. a good friend from high school just got engaged!!!!!!!

4. There are plans to go travelling in 2012 with my LS besties

5. Sg trip this weekend with the Esentians :)

6. Caught God of Carnage with ah Boy (the image of Lina Teoh vomiting is still a little overwhelming)

7. Unexpected offers to meet up with friends always makes me feel better

8. the sis is expecting, and I hope names like Ben and Alfonso doesn't come into the pool of names to be selected out of a hat

9. HPDH Part 2!!!!!!!!! enough said



Last but not least,


10. I have thought about my future, and I have a direction to move to, a goal to work towards. All I need right now is to have the perseverance and faith to get through it :)

I Won't Let Go - Rascall Flatts

It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost
On your own
You're not alone

Chorus:
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh, it finds us all
And we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh, but when it rains

Chorus

Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
Yeah, I know you can make it

Chorus

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No, I won't


~~~

Sometimes I think this is what God wants us to know, that He is there for us, He will catch us when we fall, and no matter what, He won't let us go.

But having said that, how easy it is for us to shut him out of our lives, or only turn to Him when we need Him.

There's been a spat of drama at work recently, and not all of it centered on me (thank goodness). However, some of it DOES have to do with me, and I find it hard to cope. It's not that I do not like the job. I love it. But I think it is the burden of things getting to me.

Much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm sliding, and I feel that though I try my hardest, it seems like I'm not giving my all, it feels like I'm not giving enough to my work.

How does it feel to stay up til 4am for the past few weeks, trying to get the job done, even coming in on off-days, not being able to take a break, and even after trying to take one, work comes back faster and harder?

The worse thing is, it's these little things happening that I should have known better. It's these little things that I should have learnt from before, but happens again. Am I not hardworking enough? Am I not trying my best? If I am, then why is all this still happening? If I am, then why does it repeat itself?

Perhaps it's the fatigue getting to me, but I can't afford to take a rest. I can't afford to take even one day off. Through ALL my past experiences working here, everytime I try to give myself a little slack, something BIG and BAD happens. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

So what does it mean?

Am I not supposed to work here?

So let me pose this question to all.

Why is it, that we only evaluate our life when there's drama going on?

Can we not evaluate even when there's good times?

Can we not sit back and think about why all these good things are happening?

Why whenever we question the good things that come our way, everyone will just tell us to keep quiet, and just enjoy the ride?

Admittedly, there are some people who are as conscious of the good things as they are of the bad.

So why can't we be like them?

Why should we question only when bad befalls us?

~~~~~

I actually think that I'm pretty lucky to be where I am at this moment. Granted, there are times where I wish it's better, but all things considered, I have people I can really call my friends, my family is well, there's a small (and I mean, REALLY small) sliver of something happening, and work is good. STRESSFUL, but good. WHY? cos it tells me that I still have many more things to learn, many more experiences to go through, and that life is not perfect.

I look at other colleagues and I marvel at their conviction, and how they persevere (though not without complaints), but at the end of the day, they get the job done.

Ah Boy says I'm very very very workaholic. I would want to justify that, but sometimes it's hard when it's something you want to excel in, but also want to have a life.

I think it's not wrong to want to have a life outside of work. Though sometimes, the nature of the work requires you to be 'on-call' 24/7 :p Some people are not able to do that, and yet some do it perfectly well. So, the questions that begs to be asked: "How do they do it?"

I guess there's not right formula for it. I would think you have to be really passionate about what you do, and you need to feel the need to want to do it, amongst other things. Otherwise, you'll feel drained, and burdened, and in the long run, you just might start to loath what you do (if you haven't already).

But then again, that's just me :/