Monday, September 12, 2011

Once again, in a reflective mode >.<"

Actually spent the entire afternoon today reflecting on quite a few things. Where I am now, what I want to do for the future, and how I'm gonna get there.

Sometimes, I think having a mind that's too complicated can be distressing. You think of everything from all angles, you over analyse situations, your left brain counters every point your right brain makes, you dig deeper (which sometimes might not be a good thing), and lastly, you sigh when you realise that there is nothing that can be done.

How often does these things happen, and how often do you let it affect you?

Sad to say, it's something that happens quite often to me. Somehow, for some inexplicable reason I cannot fathom, every time I find that I have some time on my hands, my mind wanders off on this weird tangent, thinking about stuff, and  wondering how things can be different. I wish there's this off switch somewhere that I can flip to just shut down everything, enabling me to take some time off without thinking about things, and just relax and enjoy the moment.

Things doesn't seem to be working out the way I want them to, but then again, how many times does things really work out the way we want them to? I keep telling myself, even if things don't work out this time, it's only because they're bringing me one step closer to working out the next time. But I'm growing tired of having to keep telling myself that there will be a next time (Sounds like the Rihanna Eminem song :p).

I'm tired of having to say to myself to have faith. Because seriously, how much faith can I have, when I am repeatedly being dealt the same thing over and over again? Once or twice, I can take it. But does more than that make me a jinx? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to chase for anything, but it will be nice, to have it, and to treasure it. It will be nice to say, yes, I've got it, and I am so much better because of it.

But then again, who am I kidding? I'm not some witless person to know that it was never meant to be this way. I guess at the end of the day, I'm just hoping to finally get to the moment where it was meant to be. That would be nice, wouldn't it?

It would be nice to receive for a change, instead of always giving.


On another note, sd fell sick last Thurs due to food poisoning (drank some bad milk), and felt terribly under the weather the whole of Thurs and Fri. He was so pale and lifeless it was scary :( I've been through food poisoning before, so I know how it feels like. The pain is excruciating, the nausea is terrible, you feel like you've just been punched in the gut repeatedly that you totally cannot stand up straight, your back aches like there's no tomorrow, and you feel like curling up in bed and lying there til kingdom come.

Brought him to the doctor on Friday night, and got him to take some medication and ORS. Then Saturday rolled around, and he woke up fine, finally able to stomach some solid food, and managed to take in some fluids other than 100+ and plain water :)


Random #2: saying "til no tomorrow" and "til kingdom come" reminds me of my snail, cos I taught him what those phrases meant :/

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